In 42 days, I’ll be running the Paris Marathon in the body God gave me!!!!
I already feel the massive transformation taking place inside of my body and also in my mind. I’m running this race to close the loop of my reentry back into the body that God gave me. I’m running the Paris Marathon to give myself permission to be me, just the way I am; to reek of myself and to live in my Earth Suit, unapologetically.
2017 has been the first year ever, as an adult woman, when I’ve allowed myself to fully celebrate my body, just the way it is. As a teenager and all through my 20s, I had eating disorders and severe body dysmorphia. In my 20s, I changed my body with a breast augmentation when a boyfriend explained, “Real women have boobs.” After that, I secretly risked my life and had liposuction all over my body to try and look curvier, prettier, as a size 14/16 plus-size model. I have had a lot of heavy shame about these stories until a beautiful, brave friend of mine asked me point-blank, “Have you ever forgiven yourself for your past?”
I had felt so much shame and responsibility for my misdoings–my past that I felt deeply dishonored myself and my incredible family. For fifteen years, I could not get over my old story. I kept it bottled up inside of me and never told anyone how I felt for two reasons: I didn’t want my family to think it was their fault and I was afraid to be vulnerable. I was afraid to be seen for who I was, uniquely.
Suffice it to say, in fifteen years, I had caused my Earth Suit an unbelievable amount of trauma–emotionally and physically. I was terrified of accepting myself just the way I was. Just the way God made me: Perfect, even with “imperfections.” I mean, our Earth Suits don’t last forever!
After my recent #explant surgery, and then coming into my healthy Earth Suit over the last seven months, I’ve decided to go to Paris to celebrate my body, just the way it is. I’m going to run the Paris Marathon as a reminder that my Earth Suit is just a vehicle, and not a beauty equation that was meant to waste years of my life picking it apart.
I’m going to Paris to honor God’s wish for myself. He didn’t want me to live this miraculous life just to sabotage my Earth Suit–He wants me to celebrate what I’m capable of! He wants me to own that my body is a miracle and He wants my spirit to do something equally as profound! He wants me to use my Earth Suit FULLY and focus my energy on my Higher Purpose in life–not that last five pounds I’d like to lose or apologizing for not covering up a blemish on my chin.
I’m going to Paris to be USED.
By taking this journey, the long flights, the preparation, the prayers and visualization, the race, the post-race meal (because, duh!), my goal is to constantly to remind myself of my Higher Purpose.
If my journey to Paris inspires you to do one thing, I hope it is to love yourself just the way you are. To forgive yourself for your old story and allow yourself to finally live with sustainable joy and fullness. To live with complete satisfaction that this is the way life was meant to be lived: With an exploding joy for your Higher Purpose, even if you’re not sure what that purpose is–or if it’s changing–and to allow the process of discovery to bring you awe and joy.
Imagine, just having a body–an Earth Suit–is the greatest miracle, the greatest gift from God! We can move our legs for 26.2 miles through the world’s most incredible city–how COOL! We can taste the sweetness of a crispy red apple in the Fall and let the juices run down our chin–that’s INSANE! We can see with our eyeballs, and they communicate messages to our brain without any conscious effort–ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! We ARE friggin’ MIRACLES!
Let’s CELEBRATE our gift, say positive, loving things to it, own our incredible power, support other women and their positive self-talk. Maybe we’re even the brave friend that goes out on a limb to ask, “Have you forgiven yourself?”
I give you permission to love yourself, right now. I give you permission to move from a place of love and surprise yourself in every moment. Have faith and surrender. Let go and let God. I’ve got you. You’ve got you. God’s got you. We’re women supporting women.
You can follow my journey–now and also to Paris–on Instagram (@iamemilynolan) and InstaStories. Y’all need to know, too, that my girlfriend Kate Moore, is coming to Paris with Bishop (my Wrangler) and me to shoot videos and pictures of this incredible experience. Get ready for waterworks!!! I’ve already started crying out of sheer joy. I have so much to share with you throughout this process.
In about six weeks, this blog will be moving over to my new website, EmilyNolan.com. I’ll keep you all on the mailing list over there, so you won’t need to re-sign up for anything. Just a heads up so you’re aware of the move over to a new, fun, full page!
As for now, I’m drinking a cup of hot French Roast coffee from my friends over at A.Tavola Boise (they’re sharing their insanely delicious recipes in Pretty Full!!!) and watching the pink morning sun rise over the mountains of Idaho. I’m tucked away in a log cabin with my best girlfriends and writing my book outline, Pretty Full, so we can all finally OWN this manual to FULL living.
We ALL deserve the very best in life. I’m writing Pretty Full because it’s my Higher Purpose: To inspire women to stuff our souls, move for fun, and eat like a boss!
We deserve to live a full life without guilt! We ALL deserve to be HAPPY, forever. Amen.